Mother River View
There once was a woman
Who named me.
She was another child at the
end of her life,
As it was.
If you could dream of nightmares
they would feel like
Back then.
She once took me to a river
and placed me in the current running between two rocks,
Chilling me to the bone.
Now it's more like lightning,
The flashing hot thunder under my feet,
Skipping and slipping
and tipping
Where poise used to be.
Memories of homemade tinctures and nectar berry jam,
The sound of her smile.
That look of disdain.
You'd think our houseboat would have burned up
with the disaster that it became.
Sordid times of laughter and disappointment,
Of sadness and tenderness.
Love.
And regret.
The time I told you it was okay
And you, in stillness,
Stood there staring as if you knew me but
Couldn't really grasp the name.
The name you named me.
"It's on the tip of my tongue."
You used to say that a lot.
It was such a long time ago
But wasn't it only just yesterday?
Please make me a butterfly heart.
Place it on the window.
Tell me another story.
Draw me a picture of the old house you used to live in.
Just one last thing that I can hold on to.
Something I can name.
Something I can call my own.
The last year flew by just like that river,
like distant thunder flashing upon a darkening sky
To believe I haven't thought of you since,
I can't remember when.
But maybe the other day,
After the storm
I did.


I can't even read this anymore, because I start crying within the first two lines. My vision gets too blurry. Like, I physically can't.
"Please make me a butterfly heart" <3